I finished my solat yesterday. I finished my solat for the first time since Ramadan ended in March, I prayed faj, dhur, asr, magrib and isha. I burst into ugly tears on the last rakah of isha. Tears so ugly I struggled to get the ayahs out. I have always struggled with my eeman, especially solat. Last month, after four years and two weeks , I took my scarf off because wearing it made me feel like a hypocrite. My scarf made it easy for people to identify me as a Muslim. I was in Lagos, and wearing a scarf meant hearing people call me "Hajia, Alhaja " and the likes and I was not up for it, it felt off knowing I was not doing the one thing Allah asked me to do which was to worship him. I started feeling really guilty on Thursday, guilty because I was living my life as if I did not have Allah. I decided to resume Quran classes, which I stopped last year and had no plans of returning. I had a conversation with a friend about feeling the need to do tahajjud as doing it...
Welcome to the diary of a curious mind. A struggling Muslim in her late twenties, drifting through life.